Meanwhile on Earth
by Time Lord of many names
Summary: Short 100-words-stories about the Doctor's exile on Earth. To my Master. Happy birthday, my love.
1. Telephone

Usually noone called the Doctor. Liz contacted the brigadier to convey her greetings, so the only one not-from-UNIT who might have an idea to call — was the Master.

After he had almost strangled the Doctor with the wire, Lethbridge-Stewart ordered to remove the telephone from the laboratory to play it safe, minding the Doctor's wacky habit to solve everything by himself. But Jo quietly brought it back. Though the Doctor hasn't got talent to hypnosis, he was good at persuading — his smile and natural charm worked smoothly.

"Doctor, the call," the Doctor looked up from the microscope. "It's the Master."


	2. The call

"Doctor, tell me, what flowers do you like? Peonies or roses? I'm making a new batch of plastic toys and it's vital to know."

"What are you up to?"

"I think this yourself would rather like peonies — as pompous as you, your jabot and other frills are, right, Doctor?"

"Master, whatever you are planning, the Nestenes—"

"Or maybe roses? Immortal tellurian classics," the voice on the other end of the line drawled broodingly.

The Doctor squeezed the handset angrily, hoping that the brigadier was smart enough to track the call, although it was useless.

"I prefer classics."

"The roses? Splendid."


	3. Roses

The UNIT this morning was busy and well-smelling. Flowers were everywhere. Inside, outside, they took all tables, floors, chairs, windowsills. But the laboratory was swamped with them above all. The Doctor got out of the TARDIS and froze. Jo was gaily fussing around, the others looked as perplexed as himself.

"What happened? Had someone robbed all the flower-shops in the shire, Mireille Mathieu came here or the UNIT is specializing now in floristry?"

"Don't you know?" Jo rolled her eyes, passing him a four-folded sheet of paper. "It's all for you."

The Doctor grabbed the telegram and changed color.

"WHAT?!"


	4. Insomnia

The Master couldn't sleep. Not that he had great need for it, but still he had, and right now his requirement was not satisfied. He tossed and turned, shifting the pillow, but none of his very nasty looks or extremely haughty faces could affect the hard mattress. It was quite detestable, and one couldn't reckon on the better one in this century. Well, if so, why not to spend the night in the TARDIS? But for now it wouldn't be wise to draw an unnecessary attention to it. Oh, the conspiracy! The Master snorted discontentedly.

"All because of you, Doctor."


	5. Snow

It was snowing outside. Such a heavy snowfall hadn't happen for quite a long time — fluffy snowflakes were flitting in the air, covering everything.

"Doctor, Doctor, look!" Jo pulled him to the window. "Look, how great! May we go outside to take the air?"

The Doctor smiled. Why not?

Yates and Benton were devotedly engaged in a snowball fight while the brigadier was missing. Jo decided to build a snowman.

"Doctor, do help me!"

A snowball was definetely too heavy.

"Such a restless child," he smiled, putting easily one snowball on the other.

Jo laughed.

"But you do like it."


	6. Snowman

The snowman was definitely somewhat wry, and the Doctor was guessing if he could do something about it. Jo was just back with a carrot and some scarf in her hands, which she was intending to complete the image with.

But as soon as she finished and stepped away, some deafening rumble burst in. The snowman was torn to shreds — if it could be said about the pile of pressed snow. The Doctor, coated with snow and astonishment from toe to crown, lost bearings for a moment.

But he had definitely seen a piece of shoe disappearing round the corner.


	7. Radio

The radio was emitting some horrible sounds all day long without any apparent reason. Tired of hearing Christmas hits of the last years interrupted, the Doctor disassembled it, fixed something and then reassembled. It didn't help. Honestly — it only got worse. The noise grew stronger, giving no way to focus on work.

Hardly restraining himself of swearing in front of miss Grant, the Doctor decided to switch it off. Having already taken the ill-fated device, he heard words barely breaking through.

"Hel-lo, Doc-tor-rh..."

"The radio is greeting you?" Jo raised her head, surprised.

"Don't pay attention, Jo. It's just noise."


	8. A telegram

Sergeant Benton wasn't used to intrude the laboratory without some special need, but this time he had message.

"Doctor, there's a telegram for you."

"A telegram?"

The Doctor took the paper and ran his eyes over it impatiently.

_"Doctor, don't you think that the lack of internet or at least primitive means of instant messaging in this time is extremely boring?"_

"And how am I supposed to answer you if you of course don't write the return address?" grumbled the Doctor.

He snorted and launched the paper to the waste basket. Jo took the crumpled sheet and asked perplexedly:

"Internet?"


	9. La Marseillaise

The Master listened to La Marseillaise devotedly, pacing the room. Sure, the Doctor didn't know and will never know — because the Master would never confess — but he took interest in everything the Doctor liked. He read tellurian books, listened to their music, explored history and art, trying to get what attracted his sworn friend in this good-for-nothing planet so much. Unremarkable race, weak and manageable.

Well, he should admit there was the bright side. Their thirst for resistance only added some spice to his games.

"Oh, Doctor," the Master grinned, rubbing his hands. "Mind you, you chose them — not me."


	10. Dessert

It was one of these rare cases when the Doctor was out of UNIT just to drink some coffee in a cafe round the corner. The lack of good coffee in the headquarters was absolutely catastrophic, and the Doctor had nothing to do with that.

Inhaling the aroma, he smiled. Suddenly the waiter set dessert beside him.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't order anything."

"It's from that table over there."

Following to where the waiter was pointing, the Doctor revealed it was empty.

"Already left."

Looking downward on the dessert, he noticed some little note on one side:

_"Enjoy, Doctor."_


	11. A puncture

"Doctor," Michael Yates burst into the laboratory, "your car tyres got punctured. I don't know how — it was in the garage, locked and under the guard."

The Doctor frowned.

Indeed, Bessie had all the tyres punctured. They were already being replaced, but the fact was still there — someone had managed to do that. And most importantly, why?

"Maybe it was revenge?" Jo asked thoughtfully.

"Revenge?"

"Well, yeah."

"Who needs to take revenge on my car?"

"Well, not on your car, but on you, perhaps?"

"But it weren't mine tyres punctured, right?" the Doctor snorted, patting carefully Bessie on the hood.


	12. Deer

The Doctor didn't know how Jo managed to make him go to the Christmas fair.

"Stop kidding around."

"But Doctor, they suit you so well!"

Jo giggled, running round him, after placing small antlers on his grey curls.

"Jo!"

"But Doctooor!"

Being back to headquarters, first of all he was informed about the parcel.

"We opened it," brigadier looked embarrassed, "but there was nothing, except... the moss."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, surprised, and opened the box. In the midst of the moss a note was lying:

_"And what it's like, when your own subordinates think you're a deer, Doctor?"_


End file.
